|
Hello, World.
|
|
|
Wishlist #1 Be adventurous #2 Be of value to those around me #3 Find a spur in life tagboard Widgets Affiliates
CKPS6A`o7 Aaron Aisyah Ariel Calvin Camilia Chee Yong Clarice Darren Ee Zhen Eng Xuan Jacky Jean Joo Yoon Katherine Lisa Mei Yee MC Mo Munir Peng Ker Qian Joo Qi Hui Sam Seo Jung Vanessa Wei Ling Winky Yong Lun Zhe Shen CCHMS CCHMSCO Florence Jacinda Ka Wing Mabel 2DL'09 CLASS BLOG! Aileen Beatrice Cherylmine Clara Gillian Hui Ping Hui Zhen Jia Yan Jocelyn Lynn Pei Xuan Po Chun Rochelle Rosamund Sherrie Si Min Sudarno Sze Ning Tian Lerk Tze Fung Wen Hao Xing Hwee Xin Hui Others Brian Cousin Kelvin Daryl 1DL Facilitators Blossom Ginny Jessica Ee Lin Joey archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed |
Thursday, January 26, 2012 @ 12:34 pm
Cracking my brains thinking of what to write.All my life I have neither been inspiring nor inspired. At times there'd be sudden revelations, but they're merely fleeting and transient sensations. Like... It lasts for awhile then I don't get affected by it any more. Sensations. Doing the best I can. Apparently had all the summary skills thrown to the back of my mind so I'm back to the naggy and long-winded style of writing. Pfffffffft. Someone kill me please. Received the text which informed us about the posting results on Monday. Guess the future's more or less paved out and the only thing I can do now is to follow the path. And not steer off. And continue loving my friends. Wonder if I can do these all at once... Which brings me to what I did today morning. Apart from folding Ferrero Rocher fungi.  I was looking for card-making materials to make cards (duh) for the juniors and Ms Tay the Mathematics 神. And then I chanced upon my old autograph book (at that time we called it "friendship book" I suppose?).  Took a good long look at the book and of course its contents. Spent a long time thinking about things so distant, yet so familiar. I felt like I was suffering from amnesia. Some things I held on to so dearly in the past are long forgotten in the present, and most probably would leave no traces at all in my future. The friends who had nothing to write are unexpectedly the ones whom I've kept even up till today (didn't mean to make them sound like possessions, but just to provide a clearer stimulus of the action of holding on). Those who had so much to say and not enough space/time to put them down into words no longer can find words to tell me. Those I hated I now love. Those I loved then -- we drifted apart. I could still remember how I reacted to each and every single profile written in the book when the book is finally returned to me after being passed around for people to write in. The emotions are still fresh in my mind, and would most probably remain the same now. Felt the same, thought the same way, and that's one of the only things that's heartening. Which brings me again to a doubt I've always had: depth or breadth? Everyone would say both are equally significant, but who are the ones who really can have the best of both worlds? What's an option and what's the priority? What am I holding on to at this moment? Can I hold onto it for long? Have I forgotten something whilst trying to remember another? Would history repeat itself in another two years to come? I'm utterly glad I hadn't thrown the autograph books away.  Tuesday, January 24, 2012 @ 6:44 pm
So this is CNY 2012:  This year's CNY feels different. Maybe it's the concoction of the elements of familiarity and absurd strangeness. Probably also due to the rushed festive season which ends abruptly tomorrow. I've been more willing to speak up as compared to previous years. That's unnatural because a family's supposed to work this way -- cordial and amicable. It's been this way ever since we've grown up to be shy girls, but it's not gonna continue this way. Hope I'd get the opportunity to strike a decent conversation with the close family members whom I hadn't spoken to for a long time. We're getting better. Granny's also becoming more and more forgetful. Part and parcel of ageing, but it's happening too quickly that I'm beginning to have no idea how to relate with her. Sometimes I wish I knew how the aged and the degenerate work. It'd help a lot. That was due to the influence of Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes -- the reading project that I've started over the CNY holidays. Probably would finish up today. Moving, inspirational, close to our day-to-day lives. If only science could eradicate all problems, allow degenerates to increase their I.Q. and get them to fit into society. I'd very much want to be the one going through the transformations myself, even though it's going to be so foreign and unnatural like an out-of-body experience. Sometime someday, someone would do the good of applying psychological and neurological studies to help the disadvantaged. Maybe it'd be me. Hehe. Right. If I'm not gonna stop reading, I might just begin to get nightmares like the ones Creation In Death by Nora Roberts gave me. It was hell morbid I swear. Fortunately or unfortunately, Sanctuary lay in wait for my discovery. Last week of freedom. I'mma suck it dry. Really amazing how dreams and your memory work. It'll only get more fascinating if you had the power to take them under your own control. Sunday, January 22, 2012 @ 8:20 am
Heheeeeee. Hi. Been busy doing nothing these few days. Went out with Harmonious Five and Sam for lunch @ Swensen's. Apparently it sorta costed a bomb for them, but guess it was worth it (?). Once in a blue moon uh. Should have such meet-ups more often!Went around shopping for CNY clothes, but there was nothing much to buy in Tampines so... Mavis and I went back home. Wanted to bathe, but there were many pails in the toilet. I kinda rested on hand on the railing where I usually put the towels, and the other hand went over to lift the pails full of water. Unknowingly exerted strength on the railing, which caused it to shatter. So what I saw was... shards of ceramic (?) and coal-like material exploding before my very eyes. Pretty shocked by what happened 'cos I've been doing that for years but it just failed and caused massive destruction yesterday. Dad had to clear up the remnants left on the wall and on the floor. Well, guess that kinda was my fault. :( Went I left the toilet and walked off to dry up, I realised I got a cut on my calf. Must be the shards that flew...? So this was what I got:  Well, long time since I last lost that much blood from a cut. Didn't realise it at first, until the blood dried up and it felt uncomfortable. Alcohol swab. Yay. Okay that was what happened yesterday. Have been @ Aloha Loyang for 4BN Class Chalet from the 18th to the 20th. It's the first ever time I managed to stay on for the full 3D2N. Guess the games in the day were so tiring that I didn't want to travel all the way home just to take a shower and deposit some dirty linen. We had indoor games as a start, and I was pretty glad I wasn't involved much. Have no idea why, but I didn't really feel like playing so... Thank goodness Aldon passed his camera to me. 我有任务在身! Heeeeee. Started taking photographs and filming. Enjoyed that much more. ;) Then there was steamboat for dinner. Really had to thank those who prepared the food. It was quite a huge lot to wash and cook. Not too bad. The first night we watched The Orphanage before going for nightwalk. Obviously I wasn't game so Rochelle and I were spamming music using Keith's earpiece throughout the entire movie. And halfway I can't believe I actually fell asleep with all the chattering and murmuring. Aldon and Zheng Rong were beside us crapping the whole while until we all KO-ed and slept. And then the nightwalk. Obviously again I didn't wanna have a go so we waited outside until the others finished up. Long past sleep time then, and apparently we were all hungry and tired. Went for breakfast @ Macs at 0430 and went back to the chalet to bathe and take forty winks. Woke up to catch the sunrise (which apparently wasn't clear enough to spot) and went back to sleep in the hall. The sleeping part was the most memorable thing. -.- The sleep-on-the-floor gang laid sleeping bags and cushions on the ground while Aileen took the couch and we just slept there till 1045 in the morning. Our classmates even took photographs of us sleeping. Hahahaha. Well the second day... Not much. Went for Amazing Race, but sadly Aldon didn't stay on to join us. Gotta admit that the planning committee really put in a lot of effort scouting for places for us to move around and also cracking their brains to think of the clues to give us to the next station. The station games weren't entirely tough; some were retarded and some were okay. This was something we had to find:  Teamed up with Huang Xue and Rochelle so... we're cool~ Finished up the games and went to the final station at Bedok Point to wait for everyone to fall in. Had dinner with the girls and Zheng Rong, bought stuff back and slacked. We were already quite high before drinking. Actually the second night was pretty memorable. ;) Played card games with Zheng Rong, Felicia, Huang Xue, Rochelle, Kian Chong and I think Boon Pin joined in later? After that I went out so... don't know much. Had a shot of booze before sleeping. Felt a bit uncomfortable after that. Like. I always turned red as a lobster after drinking, although I wasn't drunk. And it felt super warm despite having the air-conditioner turned on. Still had a good night's sleep. Went home the next morning after collecting the long-awaited F21 stuff from PK. The service kinda sucks. Like there were missing items and the clothes were dirty. Thank goodness the stains could be washed off. Had to repay my sleep debt, so I slept from 1500 to 2000, woke up, had some food and went back to sleep again. So basically that was how I spent the past few days. In retrospect, I enjoyed the company more than the activities themselves. The sleep-on-the-floor gang whom I'd really miss when we all move on to JC. Was Whatsapp-ing Aldon and Zheng Rong about it and it all felt like the class chalet was the finale to our final year at Chung Cheng? I don't know. Though Zheng Rong told me not to be so pessimistic, it's something that cannot be helped. Definitely will miss his mild idiocy and fun-loving nature. Regret not spending enough time with these dudes and dudettes. Something made me think about how I'd spend the past four years in Chung Cheng. I felt that I've made an effort to juggle between school work, primary school friends and secondary school friends, CCA, family and all, but guess it wasn't evenly laid out as expected. The holidays were meant to pay back for whatever I missed out on, but they haven't fully been utilised. Really glad to have people like PK, Jean, Mo, Sam and Zuxian who still appreciate their primary school friends so much. Kinda felt inferior because I don't know if I managed to make them feel appreciated enough. That's something to work out, and hopefully something that would work out. Really wanna keep them as BFFs (yeah as cliché as it sounds). Still, I'm glad to know of the things I never knew. Sometimes I wish people just speak to me and tell me whatever's on their mind. Some people do, and I'm truthfully thankful for their honesty and open-mindedness. Sadly, not everyone's able to voice out their thoughts and communicate. Hmmm. I always wish I had more time. Friday, January 13, 2012 @ 10:28 am
I don't know what this feels like, but I know I shouldn't be making such a post. Like, the first post of 2012.Only been through 13 days of 2012, and somehow somewhat, I'm already wishing that the world ends this year. I know I'd regret saying this sometime later this year, but right now this tells exactly how I feel. 13 days, a mere 13 days. A life-changing 13 days. And I'm already struggling to move past today. Loads happened since I last posted. O-Levels, results, JAE, crises, other stuff, etc. Surprises, happiness, nerve-wrecks, realisations, submission... The combination of this myriad of emotions makes death. So inconsistent you'd wanna stop all hormonal fluxes. So miserable you wish you were devoid of feelings. So painful you think you'd be better off dead. One thing I'm sure about: future's gonna be tough, but fulfilling. Apart from that, guess the greatest challenge's to retain all your friends. Not quite into the idea of making new friends and adapting to new environments, 'cause the emotional attachment to your old friends is simply too overpowering to just... allow you to forgo the current friendships you have. It feels as though I'mma live through these two years just for the sake of living and education. Like, no solid meaning, no purpose to work towards, just... let me get the hell past this trial. Sometimes you just wanna shout out loud for someone to listen, then you realise all around you are insensitive people who don't exactly know how you feel. They only know how they would feel if they were you. But they will never be you, will never know you, will never feel the way you do. It's easy to say "I understand" from your own point of view, but that's only when you put everything together in a duplicate of the life-like scenario and think as the person concerned does. Not even close to knowing how he/she feels. And saying "I understand" just makes it feel worse. Zero pacification, zero comfort, with a top-up of misery and solace. So maybe... a goal in 2012 (for as long as it lasts -- I must be the silliest person on Earth to say this): Never say "I understand" unless you've been through it, and are able to make the persons concerned feel that you are the one worthy of sharing their inner thoughts. And thank those who are brave enough to admit "I'll never understand" for being very honest. I know I might regret saying this in future, but thank you for being the only one able to catch me when I fall, though we never belong to the same world. Even when I never ever speak up. At least thank you for being here 24/7. Appreciate it. I know how it feels like to be alone, forlorn and forgotten, but with you (guys) around, this feeling's made impossible. Even the thought of you (guys) makes me feel real and wanted. Maybe it's wishful thinking. While others are busy thinking of ways to spend their last two weeks worth of real holiday, I shall mull over... the worst to expect this year. Let the adventure begin. |