Don't Close Your Eyes

		Hello, World. ♥; JANICE Ahbai/Lab/Abaky(tard) & Living life on the edge Facebook

Wishlist #1 Be adventurous #2 Be of value to those around me #3 Find a spur in life tagboard Widgets Affiliates CKPS 6A`o7 Aaron Aisyah Ariel Calvin Camilia Chee Yong Clarice Darren Ee Zhen Eng Xuan Jacky Jean Joo Yoon Katherine Lisa Mei Yee MC Mo Munir Peng Ker Qian Joo Qi Hui Sam Seo Jung Vanessa Wei Ling Winky Yong Lun Zhe Shen CCHMS CCHMSCO Florence Jacinda Ka Wing Mabel 2DL'09 CLASS BLOG! Aileen Beatrice Cherylmine Clara Gillian Hui Ping Hui Zhen Jia Yan Jocelyn Lynn Pei Xuan Po Chun Rochelle Rosamund Sherrie Si Min Sudarno Sze Ning Tian Lerk Tze Fung Wen Hao Xing Hwee Xin Hui Others Brian Cousin Kelvin Daryl 1DL Facilitators Blossom Ginny Jessica Ee Lin Joey archives January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 July 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 January 2012 July 2012 December 2012 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 May 2014 July 2014 October 2014 December 2014 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 June 2015 July 2015 August 2015 September 2015 December 2015 January 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 October 2016 April 2017 June 2017 July 2017 October 2017 September 2018 March 2021 April 2025 credits Design: doughnutcrazy Icon: morphine_kissed		Thursday, October 30, 2014 @ 11:16 pm A short respite from pretending to be a workaholic. The pretence of being busy at work and feeling good doing work, yet being unhappy at the results yielded. While somebody's away at Brunei. :( It's been a relatively academically enriching semester thus far, learning about things that will finally be relevant somehow. But something's lacking. It doesn't feel like school without staying in school more and spending time in school outside of curriculum hours. Maybe I'm too used to the secondary school/JC style such that this bit of freedom becomes a source of worry. Couldn't care less about being an over-achiever anymore, not to say that I was even one to begin with. There're some things that just don't matter anymore when they don't have to be coerced upon me. Forcefully taking up a leadership role, doing things for the sake of portfolio and tricking myself into believing that these things are actually enjoyable and worth the time and effort, pretending to be helpful and useful somewhere and hoping that people will notice. After nineteen years of my life, all these can finally be put to rest. That's something I like about university. Hopefully this laid-back thing can last for long enough before I realise again that I have to do something for myself. I wanna do the things I enjoy doing, say the things I feel like saying, make friends that are willing to stay, be happy with the last few years of time spent schooling. Been having difficulties focusing on school work these days. I mean, it feels good to be busy and to be working for/towards something, but at the same time I constantly think of what I could have been doing if I had a break. My mind is always elsewhere tsk. There's been somewhat a health crisis happening to the people around me these days. Got me thinking a lot lately about how fragile life and people can actually be regardless of age. My dad's adopting this hypochondriac mindset which is pretty unnerving but I'm guessing it would last for long. I really wonder what's better - thinking of how to prevent a disease or just to live normally as what one would do daily. Or maybe just in general, to make decisions based on the consequences they'll bring or to just follow the heart and see where it leads you to? I really wonder if Fate exists, how things happen or are made to happen. Like... the very cause of things happening and what controls them. If I had known I'd be late, I would have left home earlier. If I had known that we'd fall out, I would have apologised first. If I had seen this coming, I wouldn't have done something like this. All the ifs and what ifs are all hypothetical and are never legitimate. Some things are never within our control. There're so many things I've been wanting to try but never found enough courage to, so many places and things I wanna see but I haven't got enough time and money to go ahead, so many sensations I wanna feel for myself that I have never chanced upon, so many things to look forward to every day yet cannot be realised. So blinded by the present and living in the present 'real' moment, steering myself away from these seemingly delusional thoughts and dreams. Sometimes I wish life is a dream, where I can choose to wake up from when I want to, where I can choose to fall deeply into when I want to, where I can truly be in the real moment in real time without drawing boundaries between the two extremes of what's real and what's not, where I am free of responsibilities and duties, where I can stop thinking of what's right and what's wrong, where happy moments linger forever and are never forgotten, where I can pick myself up again and stop a nightmare, where I am no longer governed by rationale. I wish I could take a break forever. But forever is never.