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Wishlist #1 Be adventurous #2 Be of value to those around me #3 Find a spur in life tagboard Widgets Affiliates
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Friday, January 01, 2016 @ 2:57 am
New Year's Day is all about starting anew, making fancy one-year plans and most likely forgetting about them midway through the year. Since it's the first day of the year, let's keep up with age-old traditions and do some goal-setting. But before that... the year in retrospect:2015 was an enlightening year for me. It was never really like any other year, where there were many ups and only a few downs that I got over very quickly. 2015 was a year of failure of many things, and a precious rediscovery of greater goods in life. In 2015, I lost the most important person in my life (I thought so then) to a three-year long relationship that did not blossom. In the same year, I seemed to had more time; I also restored many long-lost relationships (e.g. with Sam, Wei Ling, Ulanda and Wei Ping) that I used to think were gone because I always seemed too busy, but were in fact great sources of joy and happiness when brought back to me. I spent a lot more time at home, getting to know my family members more and finally not giving them the impression that I didn't care about them since I always hung out outside (that's what I thought before quarrelling with Geraldine about spending countdown this year outside). That's true even for my extended family, and initiating a family gathering during Mid-Autumn Festival was something that I thought was long overdue, but I finally mustered enough courage to voice out. A huge regret I had was that I did not try hard enough to participate in activities (especially school activities). Being busy yet able to juggle with my time very well was something I missed a lot and an ability that I lost in 2015. I started feeling older and felt more tired easily. Maybe it was just an excuse for being lazy. 2015 was a year of many little gains, but a few huge losses. It was a year that I gambled time away for money, taught me how real sadness and inner conflict felt like, taught me how to show more restraint with my words (esp. when directed to my family), taught me how to deal with great losses and pick myself up. There are too many specific events to name. 2015, albeit not a very successful year, was extremely insightful on hindsight. And I am truly grateful for such an experience that made me grow up wiser. 2016 is going to be a year full of changes. One of the most daunting would be entering Year 3 of medical school and finally experiencing the much-feared clinical years. I am highly cognizant of the fact that my sense of purpose and spur to serve will be shaken by the harsh realities; it's not like I never had doubts about myself in this field anyway. Also, many of my fellow peers would be going on 6-month long overseas exchanges or internships, many of whom I never failed to keep in touch with every few days. This is going to be a massive change -- not being able to hang out and catch up with the same old people I met weekly for suppers and games. The thought of it is extremely unnerving because many of these people are extremely precious to me, and it's like sustaining a long-distance relationship with many friends at the same time. I really hope that our friendships will continue to blaze even thought we're miles apart from each other. At the same time, the guys are finally starting school this year! Pretty excited for them all, cause I'll be able to see them time and again in school. With that, here are some things I would really hope to achieve in 2016 (after giving more thought into what I wrote in for the annual Cheeyong and Pengker thingy): 1. Always remember why I want to do what I want to do 2. Spend less time thinking about things that make me feel unhappy 3. Exercise more often and keep a healthier lifestyle 4. Have the courage to say 'no' to some stuff that I don't want to commit to 5. Show more concern for my family and friends 6. Be like an adult 7. Slim down to around 49kg 8. Get braces No hopes for any relationship stuff, because right now things aren't looking pretty good anyway. He doesn't even bother to try anymore -- doesn't get angry when I wear clothes that look a bit revealing but instead is happy, doesn't want to spend quality time with me, doesn't bother if I had my meals anymore, doesn't walk me home just because he wants to, doesn't tell me to 'text me when you reach home', doesn't hold me like he used to, doesn't say goodnight and good morning, doesn't say 'I love you', doesn't want anything official, doesn't look at me the same way anymore. When I look at couples out there who are still as sweet as they were before, I kept thinking about what could have been. I used to think that being sweet is an overt expression of love, especially in public, But now I guess it's more of the pride of affection and genuine care and concern for the other half. I envy the commitment that both parties have, and the greatest of all, I envy the look of love in their eyes and all the small actions to prove that. I can only look from the distance and just... stash away my thoughts and look away. If there can't be commitment, there can't be anything! Oh well. Hope the resolutions keep things in check! |