Only been through 13 days of 2012, and somehow somewhat, I'm already wishing that the world ends this year. I know I'd regret saying this sometime later this year, but right now this tells exactly how I feel.

13 days, a mere 13 days. A life-changing 13 days. And I'm already struggling to move past today.

Loads happened since I last posted. O-Levels, results, JAE, crises, other stuff, etc. Surprises, happiness, nerve-wrecks, realisations, submission... The combination of this myriad of emotions makes death. So inconsistent you'd wanna stop all hormonal fluxes. So miserable you wish you were devoid of feelings. So painful you think you'd be better off dead.

One thing I'm sure about: future's gonna be tough, but fulfilling.

Apart from that, guess the greatest challenge's to retain all your friends. Not quite into the idea of making new friends and adapting to new environments, 'cause the emotional attachment to your old friends is simply too overpowering to just... allow you to forgo the current friendships you have. It feels as though I'mma live through these two years just for the sake of living and education. Like, no solid meaning, no purpose to work towards, just... let me get the hell past this trial.

Sometimes you just wanna shout out loud for someone to listen, then you realise all around you are insensitive people who don't exactly know how you feel. They only know how they would feel if they were you. But they will never be you, will never know you, will never feel the way you do. It's easy to say "I understand" from your own point of view, but that's only when you put everything together in a duplicate of the life-like scenario and think as the person concerned does. Not even close to knowing how he/she feels. And saying "I understand" just makes it feel worse. Zero pacification, zero comfort, with a top-up of misery and solace.

I know I might regret saying this in future, but thank you for being the only one able to catch me when I fall, though we never belong to the same world. Even when I never ever speak up. At least thank you for being here 24/7. Appreciate it. I know how it feels like to be alone, forlorn and forgotten, but with you (guys) around, this feeling's made impossible. Even the thought of you (guys) makes me feel real and wanted. Maybe it's wishful thinking.

While others are busy thinking of ways to spend their last two weeks worth of real holiday, I shall mull over... the worst to expect this year.