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Tuesday, May 27, 2014 @ 10:44 am
“Instead of saying “I don’t have time” try saying “it’s not a priority,” and see how that feels. Often, that’s a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don’t want to. But other things are harder. Try it: “I’m not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it’s not a priority.” “I don’t go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.” If these phrases don’t sit well, that’s the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.”I just came across that quote while reading on-line in my idleness. I thought of what happened to my intended commitment to this blog and realised that it might not have been the priority for the past two/three months or so after all. Wasn't quite "busy" per se, especially after finishing up the University applications and going for the mini-getaway in Japan. The life of an unemployed person gives me freedom to re-evaluate my current priorities and think about stuff. Busyness chokes deep thinking. What happened post-results? My initial reaction was of course huge relief and gratefulness, for scoring the desired grades. Then came worry. So what? What am I going to do with that? How about my peers? My worst fears came true. I've always procrastinated and hid away from the reality of making huge life-changing decisions, thinking that I should live the moment and think about such mind-boggling stuff only when I really need to. When reality struck, time was tight and there was no room to breathe. I needed to come to terms with myself about what I really want to do with my life. And so the decision was made. The next barrier was the fear of rejection. Had my hopes all pinned on this, what if I couldn't make it? There was no back-up plan. The fear hammered me but I told myself I didn't want to settle for anything less. Even with the fear of rejection eradicated, there was no sign of uncertainty being allayed. So I got it. Am I really sure I'm right for it? That's what others think but am I sure about that? What happens to my life from this point onwards? When I say I'm busy, I'm actually preoccupied with these thoughts that don't even seem to make sense to anyone but myself. That was how I spent March-April. Although the past six months were technically the holidays, it felt packed with non-academics related (finally) activities I've always wanted to try out when I'm free: going on a holiday with my friends, learn cycling, etc.. Not working for two months gave me time to rejuvenate myself. At times I'd feel that I'm just wasting my time away doing nothing but finding a job and actually doing something... It'll become my next excuse for being busy. And I really had enough of using that lousy excuse. The holidays summarised: December - Chill out and look for a job to make myself busy January - Work February - Still working and worrying about results March - Tired of working and worrying, getting results and making decisions April - Finally getting out of that job and going overseas May - Being unemployed and lovin' it but half of my friends are gone Maybe what's coming up: June - Probably gonna be tired of being unemployed July - Shit school's starting soon August - I'm glad I haven't been a workaholic and had enough rest May - the month of farewells. Keeping a relationship with someone who only appears every weekend can be difficult, but I thought it's exciting but tiring. It really taught me how not to take you for granted and made me see how proximity and closeness does wonders. Absence really makes the heart grow fonder. I was "free" to exercise independence and exude individuality, find out stuff about myself that I never knew. Someone asked me what's the use of a relationship. I sensed in her tone that she judged me, thinking that I am a weak individual who needs to rely on somebody else, a meek character who just didn't know what to do with her life but to mess it up with complicated stuff. Probably thought so of every girl until they become married women. My initial reaction was that of anger. Like... what do you know? Maybe after all it isn't about the noble vision of overcoming all odds together and still stay unbreakable. It also isn't about having to rely on somebody for practical needs. I'd say it lies mostly in the emotional needs. Having someone to complement what I lack and make me a stronger, better person. Having someone who can see my flaws and help me to overcome them. Having someone who can appreciate what I've done for them/to them. Teaching me how great giving feels rather than to always be on the receiving end. Helping me to sort out, create order in my life and eradicating all the complexities to see simplicity and beauty in their finest forms. Letting me feel contented with my current state and see no more need to be greedy and ask for more and more. That someone whom I might not have known since young yet it feels as though we've known each other for the longest time. When you asked that question, I dare bet that these answers here are nowhere near what you expected. So... take them, understand them from my perspective and don't judge (don't get what's there to judge anyway). Anyway, that's what you get for being too "free". I should get back to playing MapleStory. Haha. |