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Monday, March 23, 2015 @ 7:46 pm
I initially started off intending to come up with or search for a quote that adequately expressions my emotions and thoughts at this moment, but none of them made me feel comfortable enough to go ahead and match them up with this post.I left home. On the way to the train station, a sudden gush of wind took me away with my thoughts. It was an unusually quiet day. The people who got into my path daily whom I used to dart away from seemed to have wanted to let me off today. I felt alone, but somehow I didn't enjoy the solitude like I've always used to. The wind kept me company until I reached the train station - aha. This place could never go wrong. Then I proceeded to head towards the least crowded cabin near the train head and waited for the train. I had a good observation of silence throughout the entire ride to school. It was insanely silent; there had to be one or two teenage punksters blasting the newest versions of pop or metal, sharing their profound love for music with the commuters and flagrantly insulting the peace that they never appreciated. There was no misdemeanor of such sorts today. Everyone was stuck on their little gadgets, not even the newspapers. It was as though the long-standing debate about newspapers being phased out and replaced had finally resolved itself. Deft fingers scrolling through the news feeds on familiar applications, the same images of a particular familiar persona took the news by storm, the same posts shared on social media over and over again. Every individual was hooked - onto the news and onto the sense of detachment they all are trying to overcome, How could I have missed it while I was asleep? Just before a lecture, we had all expected a lecturer to come in and tell us the news. We stood up and in the uncomfortable presence of a few camcorders began to observe one minute of silence. The silence was deafening, apart from flustered flipping of pages coming from the front of the lecture theatre. A particular student conveniently decided to ignore the silent pleas of the professor and all the other students, and went on to do his own stuff. The flipping gradually got louder and more frequent. But nobody stopped him; everyone wanted to take their moment of silence wholeheartedly - for the first time ever. White words embalmed onto a black backdrop in remembrance and memory of our great founding father - mournful, solemn and dignified - were in stark contrast with the beeping sounds made by the ticketing machine at the MRT station. The words could so easily be overlooked by any commuter if they subconsciously revelled in their own thoughts and emotions. At the corner of my eye, I glanced at the screen habitually, only to discover that the gloomy, sorrowful backdrop had replaced the usual romantic, noisy, loud, at times even irritating movie advertisements that beckoned everybody's attention. No wonder it felt quiet even there. At the newspaper stand, I stood around for a long long time, looking for the familiar title "The Straits Times". I couldn't find it. Uncle waved his hand at me while I was on the phone saying, "今天的特别版". The images of this familiar sage in grayscale piled up before me. I was hesitant, but still bought a copy anyway. He seemed to have sensed how odd I felt, and reassured me once again that it was a special edition. I thought I had enough of the depressing mood today. I tried to lift my spirits and devoted my attention to observing the surroundings on the way home instead of scrolling away at my phone. I heard the familiar Mediacorp tune which always played after a show ended even before I got to take a peep through the mini-garden of plants into this particular house. After which, the same grayscale photographs appeared on screen with the words "悼念李光耀 1923 - 2015". I rushed home to watch many videos paying tribute to him. Early this morning before dawn returned again, I was roused from my sleep as usual with the loud wailing of my alarm. I got up, stumbled my way out of the room, only to find Mavis come right up to me before she left home for her exams. "LKY really died." "Huh serious?" I paused for a moment, shoved her aside figuratively and went ahead hurriedly to wash up. I obviously wasn't awake yet. While chucking greasy breakfast down my system, I scrolled through my Facebook live feed and received notifications from the Guardian that what I heard from Mavis was true. So it finally hit me. I frantically scrolled and scrolled away, dived past all the distracting statuses posted by friends and family who knew before I did, while I was asleep, dived right into the official statement released by the Prime Minister's Office. I hovered, I lingered. It all happened while I was asleep. The encounters I had today reminded me of the graveness of the Silent Mentor Appreciation Ceremony that happened last Friday. I couldn't believe I was feeling grief this real. I thought I had no reason to. Everyone knew it was merely a matter of time. After all, death is the only constant in life (the irony). When an individual leaves the world, the rest of the people will speak of the good in him, the intimate personal encounters they had together, the warm human touch that the communication brought. When an individual leaves the world, he is commemorated for the impact he had left on the people around him. When an individual leaves the world, he is celebrated for the many lives he had touched, the fond memories he had created, and the legacy - whether huge or small - he leaves behind. And this man, he's not just any other man. Mr. Lee Kuan Yew built a more than a city. He transformed the entire landscape of Singapore within a short span of 50 years. He built a nation with his own hands; its people and their lives too, built by him. He knew how to, and at that time, nobody else would have known how. Leave the past unhappiness for a moment and stop complaining about what we are not entitled to. Bury the dissatisfaction and disgruntles and instead be grateful for the much more that we have, way more than what we deserve. Courage, determination, perseverance, respect, efficiency, intelligence, all of which he embodies. An epitome of a leader he is, an absolute paragon of character. We are indebted to you. We can never thank you enough. Rest in peace Sir, for you will live on in every Singaporean's heart forever. |