Don't Close Your Eyes

		Hello, World. ♥; JANICE Ahbai/Lab/Abaky(tard) & Living life on the edge Facebook

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Never in my life. So after my driving lesson I rushed to Paya Lebar MRT, wanting to get home as soon as possible. Driving, as usual, drained my energy so much that I desperately needed rest. Dragged my drained soul towards the cabin. While walking, I suddenly heard a bellow. I frantically turned around and tried to look for the source of the unknown sound, but my eyes couldn't find their way to it. I quickened my footsteps and stopped in front of the cabin, only to witness a Malay male clutching onto his neck and collapsing face-flat onto the ground. Tremors shook his entire body and left him flopping on the ground like a fish on land, destined to die. The convulsions took his consciousness away, and he seemed to be slipping into and out of it. A packet of cigarettes flew from his open bag and the bag was left lonesome and disregarded at a corner near the lift. The shaking got more violent by the second. I stood on the spot. Thoughts ran across my mind, images flashed. Scared shitless. What do I do now? My feet took me a few steps forward; I was so close to leaping towards the commotion and being part of a heroic, life-saving act. Was his temporomandibular joint still intact when he fell on his jaw? What type of fit was he suffering from? Should I get him to lay down on his sides so that his tongue can fall out of the way of his teeth naturally? The next moment something held me back, and my body jerked backwards. What am I thinking about? I know nothing that can help him. What am I gonna do there? Stand and watch? Cause that's literally what you do mostly when someone has fits. The next moment I saw what I couldn't believe had happened. Instead of ordinary white foam oozing out of the victim's mouth, pink stuff was flowing. What on earth? I had to look again to confirm that what I saw was real. Then I looked at the people around me. This aunty who stood near me looked at me, and with one look I knew she could tell that I was hesitant. I wondered if she also knew that I really wanted to do something about it, but didn't know how to. I tried to seek reassurance in her soft gaze at me, but it didn't help. The others around were either pretty much preoccupied with ignoring the whole scene, or were doing just what I was doing -- standing facing the commotion, not knowing how to react. Later when I assumed that the Malay lady in pink tudung and Indian man knew what to do, I boarded the train, taking one last glimpse at the scene. The lady was instructing people to get the victim to lie on his side, while the Indian man was trying to wrestle the victim to prevent the victim from hurting himself. The commuters on the train were also peering out of the cabin door, trying to comprehend what was happening. This was the shortest ride home that I ever took from Paya Lebar. Throughout the ride I was google-ing "how to help someone with fits" and reading away. Now I know. If only I knew earlier. And that same aunty in her electric blue cheongsam looked as bogged down in her own thoughts as I did. I wondered if we were thinking about the same thing. It sucks being a medical student, yet not being able to help out in times of need such as this. While walking home, I was thinking of the legal obligation to help out in such times of crisis when I finally become a certified doctor, like what Francis had told us. I was half-excited to be a life-saver, yet half-thankful that I could still get away this time because I didn't do anything to help. I mean, nobody would know that I'm a medical student... I don't want to feel the latter ever again. Sucks big-time. I really wish we could be taught such life-saving skills earlier. I don't think I wanna feel this feeling of regret anymore. Trust me. Nothing can get shittier than this feeling. This sense of loss of life has never come so close so acutely. No matter how shitty things can become, fact remains that this is still one of the many reasons why I wanted to do medicine in the first place. :)